Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.
The ways printers are like kids:
1. Need feeding
2. Are noisy
3. Can’t function when offline
Weirdos gonna weird.
I did nothing wrong—I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.
I am cool with January lasting forever because rent is due February 1
I’m sorry but divorce stories aren’t specific enough. If I sat through 3 slideshows of your wedding shoes I want details. How long did he let that saucepan “soak”.
if I was a horned animal fighting another male for a mate and I lost, I would just go up to one of the females after and be like “I won.” They don’t even watch
I got married under the spiderweb at recess when I was in kindergarten. I just saw my ex with his new wife. I bet she doesn’t know he eats crayons.
My parents told me I could be anything I wanted so I became unacceptable
ME: So you’re into religion. Really??
DATE: Absolutely. I go to church regularly. I especially love the religious hymns.
ME: Ok even I know they’re called priests, Linda.
One of my students told me she’s going to be a tooth fairy when she’s older. I didn’t even know that was an option!
Before getting in my face, please be aware that I completed two tours in Vietnam. One was on a Segway in downtown Hanoi, the other took us through a delightful little bakery in Ho Chi Minh.
you can talk about any topic for 30 mins if you’re a confident liar
My daughter keeps exclaiming, “What in tarnation?” when something surprises her. It’s cute but a little like living with a 3rd Grade Yosemite Sam.
Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.