like swimming in quick dry cement
Maybe the reason violence never solves anything is cuz theres never enough of it, you dont know.
Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.
As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.
We never “welcomed” a baby into our family. We just kind of brought them home and tickled them every now and then.
Siri, install a monolith on my boss’ front lawn in the middle of the night.
The enemy of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy, of my enemy is Kevin Bacon
Only 261 days until Oktoberfest.
If a mummy was chasing me I’d just walk slightly faster
I’ll admit, ever since I saw Psycho as a kid I’ve felt a tiny bit nervous each time I kill someone in the shower.
I was standing in the train station when some guy came up and gave me a dollar in case you need any fashion advice.
Australia has an election this year. Wanna talk about it all day, every day, and make it our entire personality?
Uncharted Territory… underneath the refrigerator
I didn’t even see a listing for Greenland on Zillow…
Walmart say they accept competitor’s coupons, but they rejected me when I tried to use one for a foot rub my wife gave me on my birthday