if you don’t like sports you are missing a whole world of easygoing conversations with complete strangers
Thinking about when I got to the hospital to give birth and the doctor asked when the contractions started and I said “11:48” and he laughed and said “Wow, so specific. 11:48 and how many seconds?” and I’m just saying that man is lucky to be alive.
there is no greater joy than helping to make a friend’s dream come true
Rare image of an elk stepping on a Lego.
Girl on the train complimented me and said I was funny, responded with “thanks, it’s all I have” and the rest of the train gave me a worried look
Deciding which personality is going to respond to an email
if there is a particular food you would like your children to eat less, just go buy a massive box of it at Costco
funny guys are dangerous they make you laugh and laugh then boom they hit you with a shovel and throw you in a ditch
long distance relationships can work if the 4 of you all truly trust each other.
As per my last nervous breakdown