The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you
A poet once gave
a pigeon helium, and
invented high coo.
If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one
[Arriving in Hell]
*Satan hands me a phone where every app has notifications but no matter how many times I try to clear them the red dots just won’t go away*
The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.
Bought a gas station breakfast burrito and the cashier said “ good luck”
~ now I’m scared
I got fired from my job at the massage parlor.
No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
babysitting a pair of twin babies rn and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane” idk just feels weird
Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.
Condoms are not biodegradable
Condoms are not biodegradable
Condoms are not biodegradable
Condoms are not biodegradable
Condoms are not biodegradableif you care about the planet have unprotected sex!
Choosing the correct font is crucial…
la cocaina
Just saw a toddler running past my house waving a red flag with their mom chasing after them and I’ve never seen a more accurate depiction of parenthood.
I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.
