The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute 😭
I did 1 workout. Am I fit now plz
Graphic novels are awesome if you need your kids occupied for 7.5 minutes at the cost of $30.
I had a 77 Datsun pickup. I came out of the mall and drove home in the wrong 77 Datsun pickup. The key worked.
when I was a toddler I couldn’t sit still on my first airplane ride and the flight attendant’s response was to simply take me into the cockpit to bother the pilots
Always go for the Lonewolf, unless they are insane, then go for someone else.
Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why
I need to remind myself daily that I am pretty awesome and that I can do absolutely anything.
Except reach the top shelf, I can’t do that.
A rich person walking around like “oh my, where are my manors?”
The walk of shame, but it’s just trying to walk after sitting crisscross applesauce for a few minutes.
that lettuce in your fridge is now a souvenir
Vaping must feel incredible, because NOBODY thinks it looks cool.
I just got an email that they closed schools tomorrow because of the impending snow storm so I told my 7yo that he if gives me $5 he doesn’t have to go to school tomorrow
a realtor showing you an absolutely unusable space in a house: how cool is that?
There are no kids named Durf if you’re looking for a void to fill.