coughing profusely just to mask the sounds my stomach is making
Me right now holding my cough in because we have a guest and I’m already in my pj’s and in bed so I’m really not available to go to the living room to say hello and I don’t want the guest to hear me cough
After a certain age your body is like a car boot sale….
Some stuff looks old, some stuff doesn’t work, and some stuff you can’t even identify.
Windchimes
neighborhood watch
okay actually I asked them about this because I legit needed keys cut, so I said excitedly “oh do you all do key cutting???” and the cashier was like 😐 “no???” and I was like “then why do you have this sign then??” and he just shrugged and looked at me like I was the crazy one!!
wake up babe a new reaction meme just dropped
kidnapper: we’re not going back for medication
me: ok cool I’ll just tell my cholesterol that
Love that every time I finish a snack I have to wave my hands around to prove to my dog it’s all gone like I’m cashing him out at a casino or something
Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.
[7 AM at the grocery store]
Me: Wow all the old people are out early.
Me [realizing I am out with them]: Dammit.
tub, pail, can, vat, jug, kettle, cask, pot, keg, barrel, bowl…
…. making a bucket list
happy to report that “what time is it/time for you to get a watch” is still being used by the youths
it’s the cirrrrrrrrrrrrrcle of liiiiife
