I’m pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites’ heroin addiction.
“Did anyone else’s house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices……….oh U2?”
FUN PRANK: Replace signs for Red Cross Blood Drive line with “iPhone 6 in Stock” and watch the shenanigans ensue.
“Pop star, Justin Bieber, was charged with DUI, driving with an expired license and resisting arrest.”
Britney Spears whispers,
“Amateur.”
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who
Walked a thousand miles
To throw up on your door
Rule: If thou has a Macbook, thou shall always taketh photos of objects with the Macbook in the background.
He walked across the parking area explaining, “I’m going through a lot”
Read It and Weep: A Book on How to Cry
[Commercial for lawnmowers]
[Exhausted looking guy stood in his garden]
*Stabs a long sword into the grass*
“There has to be a better way”
Personal trainer said we’re going to try some dips today.
I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese. He hates me.
[rose from the movie titanic a couple years later sitting on crowded bus]
excuse me, can you slide over so I ca-
“NO, there’s no room”
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing “Stay With Me” into a megaphone.