The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”
My upstairs neighbor/friend passed away last week. We’d exchange hilarious barbs with every encounter.
His daughter just came to the door.Her: “My Dad really loved you. He left you this to help you with transportation, Ms. Caramel.”
It was a broom! 😂🤣
Following Facebook saga of a missing cat. The husband rang his wife to say he’d found it but it was hissing at him and fighting with their other cats. When wife got home the cat he’d found was a different colour, size and sex to the missing cat. He’d kidnapped someone else’s cat.
Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.
Spilled a can of drink over a nun, and now she’s got a Coke habit.
The Bachelor would be a much better show if there was one woman who was a secret saboteur actively trying to wreck The Bachelor’s life.
Another election year, another voting day writing in Bart Simpson on the ballot.
In my DMs there are people saying I’m a shit doctor because I want to lose weight, and I’m thinking wow the public needs to be educated about the various roles in healthcare.
I’m a cancer doctor. A shit doctor is called a gastroenterologist. Follow for more insider info.
Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.
I’ve been cutting my own hair for eight years. I didn’t expect it to take this long. I’ve missed out on so much.
I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention. We were better than the Cure.
*everytime I introduce dad*
this is the man who’s not proud of me
Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.
Somebody needs to get my shit together.
As the king’s food taster, I essentially have one job: clutching my throat and dropping dead when the soup is poisoned.