“And the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon….Little boy blue and the man on the moon”
…Drugs in the 70’s must’ve been AWESOME!
Smallpox sounds so adorable
it’s been 12 years since Shrek came out, I still can’t get over the fact that Donkey had sex with a dragon..
I don’t know, guys. The whole “play dead when a bear attacks” thing sounds suspiciously like something the bears would come up with…
Things that don’t kill bees:
1. Furniture polish
2. Febreeze
3. Butter
4. Screaming
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
How dare you call me naive!
I’d sue you for slander if I hadn’t sent all my money to that Nigerian prince.
Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)
When you hug someone, think of all the poop you are just inches away from.
[senses date is losing interest in me]
“my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine”
“Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.” – Me to my children.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like ‘responsibility’
I just want a girl that’s nice and sweet that doesn’t require a lot of money and I can dunk them in milk wait, a cookie, I want a cookie
Sorry but if these walls could talk I’m pretty sure they’d talk about wall things and not whatever scandal you’re blowing out of proportion.
“Man, what’s eating you today?
*looks down*
I Don’t know…. GET IT OFF OF ME!!!