You think you’re hardcore? Watch THIS!
*Drinks vodka straight from the potato*
Will smith literally runs in every movie. Name one movie he didn’t run in. I’ll wait
Maybe, just maybe, passwords wouldn’t be so insecure if we weren’t always asking them to change.
Trojan condoms were named after a city that was maliciously and deceitfully entered and then burned to the ground? Hmmm….
Friend: I got a job as a carpenter, but it sucks.
Me: No prob, just learn a few magic tricks and people will worship you as their savior.
I have an extensive library of over 2,000 classic, important books just in case you have a question about the first 54 pages of one of them.
*job interview*
Boss: Give an example of when you’ve done something creative
Me: When I listed my ‘experience’ on the application form
Me: It’ll just make mom grumpy, so don’t tell her that the dishwa…..
4 year old: MOM! DISHWASHER’S BROKEN!
♫ Hey there Delilah, can we handle this discreetly
My stomach reacted badly
after eating old zucchini ♪
and I just pooooed ♫
I gave a co-worker my word today …
And yes, the word started with the letter ‘F’ …
“Can’t beat fresh apple pie” she says, setting 1 down. I slam my fist into it. 3rd degree burns. “Wrong” I whisper 4 hrs later in the ER.
When people ask “Are you high right now?”
It’s like asking someone “Are you happy and relaxed right now?” in a concerned voice.
All excellent questions
Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I’m looking for the thumbs-down button.
LOOOOOOL