Supermassive Black Hole
Or what others call pizza night
God sends his most incorrect food & drink orders to his most conflict avoidant soldiers
It’s crazy that we get one toothbrush as a kid and we have to use it once a week for the rest of our lives.
Don’t worry, if your parachute doesn’t deploy you have the rest of your life to fix it
#OneLiner
I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.
My husband just walked in the bedroom and said “love of my life look alike contest… you already won” lmfao
Today I’m going to give it my almost
Me: I’ve always wanted to stare at someone from across the street then disappear when a bus passes
Interviewer: I meant more like “professional goals”
He was only called Mr Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.
I’m writing a story about a guy who goes searching for parts to build a bookcase. It’s a journey of shelf discovery.
…No, YOU shut up.