If I don’t cause an explosion when I’m cremated my life has been a total waste.
I love reading replies to long-deleted tweets and comments and trying to piece together the original context like some kind of twitter archaeologist
middle school in the ’90s
Ya’ll ok with me grating a lil bit of my finger into this cheese for the casserole? Too late.
Season 1: Pride
Season 2: Prejudice
Season 3a: Pride and
Season 3b: [cancelled]
Thanked a rival dad at the neighborhood chili cook off for making his mild so my kids could have some.
I’m concerned about the environmental impact of driverless cabs. A greener option is a riderless bicycle. I’ve already got one of those in my shed.
I’d easily survive every Nightmare on Elm Street movie because every time Freddy would come to kill me I’d wake up because I have to pee.
Teslas don’t have “New Car” smell…
They have an Elon Musk.
Waking up extra early gives you more time and helps you focus. On all that extra time you could have been asleep.
me: [explaining the scene in bone tomahawk where they split a guy in half]
therapist: I doubt your mailman wants to do that to you
Currently in the moving elevator when I noticed this sign
Slamming into a lamppost in a robotaxi, staggering out and calling another robotaxi to the hospital which also immediately drives into a lamppost