“Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it I better call the police!”
– literally no one ever
Hi everyone, welcome to Motorboat Club. Let’s get started on some sailing basics.
*Man in back row throws brochure on ground and storms out*
It’s nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant.
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?
Nutella. A delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas.
“I love potatoes! They are delicious and so versatile. If only they could get me laid…”
-how vodka was born
picture a potato but sexy
lol i just tricked u into thinking of me naked
Hub: This looks delicious! I love spaghetti!
Me: I know
Hub: Pass the foot powder.
~and that’s why I can never eat Parmesan cheese again
My friend just ordered a kale and quinoa salad and a side of eggplant fries and now I’m blinded by whiteness.
I can’t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Kanye forcing Owen Wilson to lie in the back seat of his car & make comments on the road so he can pretend he’s driving Lightning McQueen.
I went to the doctor this morning and I have mono.
At my age I think I should have surround sound.
It’s amazing that whales have evolved to live for over 700 years and humans have evolved to spread misinformation online! Nature’s wonders!
(in a rowboat with 6 starving people)
“I think you mean “WHOM should we eat first”
coming to theaters soon: Dawn of the Rise of the Dawn of the Planet of the Rise of the Rise of the Dawn of the Apes