One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn’t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me…
I’ve always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.
“HOW MUCH FOR THE GREEN SMART CAR?”
“Ma’am, that’s a watermelon”
So proud of myself…6 whole months without smoking! Today I was able to ride the elevator all the way to the top without getting winded.
I exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors.
Jehovah’s fitness.
[looking at pics]
Where’s that?
-Hawaii
Where’s that?
-Jamaica
Daddy where was I?
-You weren’t born
Why’s the folder called ‘Good Ole Days’?
Breaking News:
Germany defeats Argentina… France surrenders.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
Mehh
~Goat, sighing..
Learn cursive, they said. You’ll need it your whole life, they said.
Reporter 1: see Argentina needs to score here because if not they lose
Reporter 2: so true jon. So true
Me: your shoes are on the wrong feet
4yo:
Me: …….
4yo:………
Me :
4yo : but I don’t have any other feet
Me : fair enough –__–
We’re gathered here today to mourn the loss of Derek. His last words were “Watch me try and keep my eyes open while sneezing!”
Oh, you want to fight? Ok, one second *takes off glasses, removes retainer, unpins towel cape, empties snacks from pockets, sets down kitten