Doggy day care is like a regular day care except you have to enter from the rear.
Do cute firemen still come when a cat is stuck in a tree?
Only in case of fire?
Fine. But pretty sure my cat won’t like being set on fire.
This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?
“Five year plan?”
[shuffles papers]
…written down here somewhere
… Ahh, here it is, lemme clean the cheese off this Mcmuffin wrapper
Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull
I noticed that you’re still staring at me after I already answered your question, what can we do to stop this
Side Effects May Include: upset stomach, diarrhea, a tail, some hooves, ok so you might turn into a horse
Guess what!
Some blacks don’t like whites, some whites don’t like blacks!
And nobody likes Mexicans!
Big deal! Who cares!
I get you, anti-evolution people. I’m too lazy to learn science too.
Whoever said that collectively women are the fair sex obviously didn’t understand the meaning of fair, or women, or maybe even sex…
Funny that Lebron couldn’t even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs
“To label you “divine” would be to capture but a fraction of your resplendence.
… and could you pleeeeease grab an Oreo while you’re up?”
Don’t let herpes become yourpes.
Sticking a $5 bill into a vending machine turns it into my grandmother, dispensing stale snacks and rare dollar coins.
Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien.