I like to confuse my husband. So I smiled at him this morning.
Tip for twitter newbies:
Before you start using twitter, please make sure this is really what you want to do with the rest of your life.
[phone rings]
“Is your refrigerator running?”
*looks over at fridge holding a lighter up to a spoon*
“I don’t know what he’s doing anymore.”
My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying
“Hey, boo”
– a casual ghost
it’s cool how the members of Anonymous are so good at computer stuff, but also wrote so many great poems and inspirational quotations.
I have a new alter ego named Princess of Optimism. You may call me Poo.
I shake my bottled water so the H’s & O’s are evenly distributed.
I want my tombstone to read:
Don’t feel too bad, he really liked sleeping
Men are like buses, they won’t text me back.
You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?
That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening..
My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don’t really like any of them
For my niece’s 7th birthday, I’m filling a pinata with a smaller pinata. When she breaks it open I’m gonna yell “Oh God! She was pregnant!”