Not arguing with people in 2024, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”
If we’re together and you lose track of me, just follow the line of croissant crumbs right on back.
And you may be thinking, “But Katie, you weren’t even eating a croissant when I lost you…”
Trust me.
I would like to confirm to the 14yo me that the best thing about being an adult is going to bed when you want.
I’ll omit the bit about it being 7:30pm.
when i say im saving myself for marriage what i mean is you won’t know how annoying i am until it’s too late
[company all-hands Zoom call]
CEO: The future is ahead of us!
Me [unmuting]: Um. Yeah. That’s how time works.
My vibe can loosely be described as “needs 2-day shipping for a book I probably won’t read for 7 months”.
as a teen: secretly drinking in the park with friends.
as an adult: secretly drinking in the park with squirrels.
Know why Norway puts barcodes on their naval ships?
so when they return to port they can…
Scandinavian…
6yo (raises hand) Teacher, I know how to do dark mode.
*closes eyes
Sorry for the way I’m dressed I have a scuba class after the funeral
me: having a blended family is challenging
person: you and your wife have kids from different marriages?
me: no, we have Android and iPhones in our family group chat
things a whale might end an email with:
-i hope this email finds you whale
-best fishes
-may your days be full of peace and krillthings a whale probably wouldn’t end an email with:
-f*** y**
-you’re d*****t
-i am going to find and kill you
I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself
Start your day with the confidence of a 5yo who thinks he knows how to tie his shoes.
Accidentally texted “Olay” instead of “Okay” and now my text has a smooth, youthful look.