Next on CNN, 600 hours of guessing what happened to a plane.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
This is an emergency!
*Begs to borrow strangers phone
*starts scrolling through pics
16 zombie actors injured on movie set. Saddly no one noticed for 3 hours.
Justin Timberlake postponing his Buffalo show Sat. & then going on Fallon is like that time I called in sick & tweeted a selfie on a boat.
M: What do you want for dinner?
H: I don’t care, you decide
M: Sushi?
H: No, but whatever.
M: Mexican?
H: Nah, but your call.He’s dead now
Welcome to Bed Bath & Beyond, here’s your gun, shoot anything that comes out of the Beyond
Just hit a white kid with dreadlocks with my car. He understood why.
The reason that there are so many tweets about cats is that people with dogs go outside.
I can’t believe how different life was before
*googles*
Al Gore invented the Internet
When someone tries to tell me they can’t do something, I’m like “you ever hear of the Power of Grayskull?”
Kesha dropping the $ sign from her name just shows how bad the economy really is
NO, I will not come get candy from your van, Im not craz..
Oh cookies? Hmm.
Double stuff?! You don’t say!
The white one w/ no windows? Sure!
*kicks house door down* I SAID HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS INTO YOUR LIFE?
“I’d like you to meet my half sister.”
“Different fathers?”
“Shark attack.”