New York: The city that never sleeps.
Berlin: The city that never sleeps until Sunday.
Paris: The city that never sleeps alone.
I hate it when people try to use big words when they clearly don’t know their meaning. It makes them sound so gelatinous and isosceles.
I got free pancakes on International Pancake Day. International Women’s Day is now almost over and I think I like pancake day better.
I would’ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited ’til it was dark instead.
A drum solo but on your face.
I’m playing chess against my gardener. Your move, Jesus.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That’ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won’t tell you what they’re wearing.
#If #I’m #not #following #you #back #this #might #be #the #reason.
Han Solo had a much cooler older brother called Drum
“Billie Jean” is probably my favorite song about someone named Billie Jean
.@LAPD My wife made hazelnut “coffee” with my coffee maker. Send all available units.
What idiot called it Viagra and not medickation?
Sometimes at the beach it’s like “gross, is that a condom?” Yes. And it’s staying on. Not looking to raise any shark children.
According to the law it’s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.