So, when people say “LOLZ”, does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?
Got paired with a classmate for a Criminal law Project, so I guess now we’re partners in crime.
I have been using teeth whitener, and now they are completely oblivious to the experiences and sufferings of other peoples.
Do you people like your catfish battered and deep fried?
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, “You gotta bring it today!”
SO I’M GONNA BRING IT!
*brings lunch to work*
If you watch Wall-E backwards its about a little robot that would rather live alone forever than deal with fat people.
I have a special place in my heart. For blood and vessels and stuff.
“Better to be pissed off than pissed on!”
Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I’m not angry or covered in piss.
“You know who needs more attention? Celebrities. Maybe we could give them trophies or something.” Good idea, Oscar. What’d you have in mind?
Me: was I born with a mental disorder?
Mom: did you iron a shirt while wearing it again
Me: NO
Mom: ?
Me: I thought pants would be different
That little rat from Ratatouille is under Pharrell’s hat pulling his hair to make him dance.
Her + Gravity = 2001: A Space Odyssey
Squirrels before girls.
Of course you can trust me with your secret.
*Calls local news team