I bet dogs have a really hard time playing Twister
Left paw: grey
Other left paw: darker grey, but not the darkest grey. Sort of in between
I like to skip when I’m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
“We’ve been doing this for years, I simply can’t be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?” – people who named the fly.
Hey, guy in Prius blasting heavy metal – decide which type of annoying person you want to be.
Sorry I yelled “GET A ROOM!” at your grandson’s wrestling tournament.
This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said “I didn’t know Pink used her last name as well” Now she’s dead
*posts selfie with full makeup and 3 filters*
Caption:
I’m so sick, I feel like dog crap & I look sooooo gross
Congratulations to our winner, Todd, who correctly guessed there were “hella jellybeans” in the jar.
Longest English word:
‘pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosi’Longest Spanish word: ‘GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLL’
[meeting at round table]
“King Arthur, if I may?”
“Go ahead.”
“Castles but bouncier.”
“Bouncy castles?”
“But you gotta take your shoes off.”
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Maybe it’s just me, but I know a few people that Cupid should shoot with a gun.
So, Facebook is celebrating its 10th birthday. What do you buy for the social media app that makes you hate everyone?
What rhymes with Autoerotic Asphyxiation? Writing an obituary is hard.
First woman on Moon:
-Huston, we have a problem?
What?
-Never mind
What’s the problem?
-Nothing
Please tell us?
-You know what’s the problem