Dang I didn’t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
Man, the way these journalists are complaining it’s like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop.
If watermelon exist why doesn’t earthmelon,firemelon and airmelon? The elemelons.
If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can’t even finish this one
My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don’t know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it’s not.
The movie ”Finding Nemo” would’ve lasted only 5 minutes if his mother would’ve looked for him.
“It’s 3am and everyone is asleep. Must run into random rooms as fast as I can and jump on everything” – cats
im not a morning person. in the morning i am a goat
I bet dogs have a really hard time playing Twister
Left paw: grey
Other left paw: darker grey, but not the darkest grey. Sort of in between
I like to skip when I’m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
“We’ve been doing this for years, I simply can’t be bothered thinking up another long scientific name. Drink?” – people who named the fly.
Hey, guy in Prius blasting heavy metal – decide which type of annoying person you want to be.
Sorry I yelled “GET A ROOM!” at your grandson’s wrestling tournament.
This hot girl asked me to recommend some music so i said Pink Floyd, she said “I didn’t know Pink used her last name as well” Now she’s dead
*posts selfie with full makeup and 3 filters*
Caption:
I’m so sick, I feel like dog crap & I look sooooo gross