Doggies just call it style.
Cathy on FB is “feeling annoyed” and is asking why people even own cell phones if they’re not gonna answer.
Can I tell her? Pleeease.
The “it’s ok to use ‘disability’ as an insult as long as you’re not using it to insult a person with a physical handicap” logic. #facepalm
Her: See ya later alligator!
Me: *slithers into swamp*
Judge: You shot him. How do you plead?
Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding
Judge: HAHA
Me: HAHA *High five?
Judge: Ten years with no bail
Satan was all alone with Eve, NAKED, at the forbidden tree and all he did was to convince her to eat a fruit? GAY.
Some people are like 5yr olds, they shake heads in agreement, but you KNOW by the look in their eyes, they have no clue what you just said.
If you’re over the age of 5, and are trying to be cute by saying: sorry as: sowee – I will kick you in your pwivates.
Just texted her “thanks for choking on me” I meant “checking” but kinda curious what the response is gonna be.
My wife’s online shopping downstairs so I’m upstairs logged on to the same site and deleting everything in her cart.
Dad, I’m dating this pillow. It’s called Melanie
“You could do better than this”
You know I’m not good with women
“I was talking to Melanie”
So much gross product placement in THE SHINING. It’s like, fine, I’ll buy an axe.
The only thing I want written on my tombstone is “I’m standing right behind you.”
“How about a month filled with stress and obligation?” – Pitch for December
It’s Cyber Monday, sooo…. what are you wearing?