*knocks on woman’s washroom*
Hello anyone in here?
*no one answers*
*runs in & lifts up every toilet seat*
HAHAHA
*runs away giggling*
A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
Relationship status: I’m about to go put on my camouflage pants so my family can’t find me on the couch.
My 3-year-old gave me a sticker for behaving myself in public. She’s doing a good job of raising her parents.
If you keep pronouncing the L in salmon I going to stab you with my kah-nife
after my son won his soccer game, his teammate invited us over to celebrate. it was father, son, and the goalie host
The Shawshank Redemption but it’s just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don’t have to talk to my boss.
My plane has an entire high school wrestling team on it, so I imagine we’ll crash in a forest & I’ll become their King.
We don’t have wifi in Tennessee. I just pray my tweets into my phone and let Him (#Christ) do the rest.
No Linda, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.
“let’s put computers and keyboards in our cars. now let’s go catch all the people typing on tiny keyboards in their cars” – cops
hmmm public speakimg clases..? well do u hav private speakimg clases? bc i hav a secret *leans in close to u* I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO WHISPER
I dread doing laundry as if I didn’t have a machine that washes the clothes for me and another that dries them for me, as I do nothing
The washing machine broke so I had to wash my undies in the river. As a bonus, 3 catfish floated to the top afterwards, so dinner is served!
This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.