Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I’d be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit.
My daughter has recently become deathly afraid of our cat. So I’m going to have to get rid of her. At least I’ll have my cat to comfort me.
Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life together in New Jersey.
The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it’s a Chinese product that’s lasted more than a month.
Satan: Welcome to hell! You can spend all eternity walking barefoot across legos OR you can wear these crocs.
Me: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Working on a screen play that involves zombies invading a prom. I’m calling it “Prom Nom Nom”
The iPad Air is named after what’s left in your bank account when you buy one.
You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run – ORIGAMI not for everyone !
“If anyone has any reason Kim & Kanye should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.” -Taylor Swift’s moment of revenge
My dog can predict when an earthquake is going to happen. But television doorbell versus actual doorbell baffles him every time.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Well, if anything, the Mayans DID teach us ONE valuable lesson.
If you don’t finish something…it’s really not the end of the world.
Happy Passive Aggressive day! Don’t worry, I didn’t want you to get me anything anyway. No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.
Video games don’t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do
Mary had a little lamb.. And then she had a very large kebab.