Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
When life hands you women, make women laid.
Don’t let that “Metalica” t-shirt fool you. She knows every word to Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball”
Kim Kardashian’s birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It’s almost like it was made for TV! Wait….
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
ANNOUNCEMENT: DENIM CLUB MEETING IS CANCELLED. AVERY RIPPED HIS JEAN VEST AT THE SUPERMARKET. HE’S OKAY, BUT VERY UPSET.
Shot pool with my 15yo son.
Taught him a valuable lesson.
You can restart a video game 1000 times.
You can only lose your allowance once.
Match dot com, but for socks.
You’d think the people in front of me at this self-checkout were trying to operate a nuclear reactor
And The Bro saith unto them,
Follow me to the club,
and I will make you fishers of women.Bromans 4:19
“The entire sky is mine to explore!Nah, Ill just swoop dangerously through traffic instead.”- Birds
A jealous woman…can make the FBI look like mall security.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn’t hand out drugs.
Just came to the realization that my ten year high school reunion will be in 10 months. I have about nine days to get married and pregnant.
Don’t flatter yourself, any type of milkshake brings me to the yard.