I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs.
The “Beware of Cat” sign posted outside my house doesn’t seem to be having the desired affect.
When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T’s on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.
As if ” cray cray” wasn’t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to ” cray”….that’s just stu stu
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m quite busy.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn’t even come close to my 5 year old’s reaction when I told him that there’s no school today.
the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials
That tattoo of wings on your back are good. But wings that small could hardly get you off the ground though. *reveals full body wing tattoo*
What if the first tire-swing was left there as a warning to other tires?
the neighborhood teens have left so many burning bags of garbage on my lawn that everyone thinks that this is the place you burn garbage now
Ugh, stalkers are horrible.
You’d think SOMEONE could’ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I’m a long-term thinker. For instance, the green bananas I bought will be delicious in 2 days.