Learning minion language on Duolingo while my girl friend prepares to host thanksgiving for 48 people
Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P
I need one of those breweries with like a hundred things on tap but for different kinds of soup. A stewery if you will
thoughts and prayers for my teen who just said she’s sick of asking me to do something
I would wear Nike but I’m not a “Just do it” kinda guy. I’m more of a “Meh, I don’t wanna” kinda guy… so I wear Sketchers
Jake Paul just announced that he’s fighting my dead grandmother next.
The best part about sleeping alone is not having to share my blanket or rotisserie chicken
I haven’t seen Criss Angel in awhile …. I have to say this is by far his best magic trick ever.
Time to play: am I having an aneurysm or is my bun too tight?
How rude of my car GPS to suggest Taco Bell as the first suggested destination, but also thanks it was helpful, that’s where I was going.
Don’t tell me who won the fight, my Netflix is still buffering.