you know who else had a “fun hat phase”? Abe Lincoln. and we all know what happened to THAT guy
Piñatas are a great way to teach kids about murdering animals for food.
Women that date guys with bad grammar are the goodest.
“Baby last night you were so hot, let’s do it all over again this morning.”
-me, speaking to this leftover pizza.
If the human race has a “signature move,” its gotta be lying to the dentist about flossing.
My son is at that tender age where he believes me when I say that the dog ate the rest of the cookies out of the pantry.
It’s not called “Laura the Explorer” because if a little white girl gets lost in the woods, CNN shows up with the FBI.
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Does anyone want a free microwave? Contact me. We can talk about how we both want a free microwave
Warning to ppl who drink & drive, yday while driving, frnd took his arm out to indicate right turn & someone took his beer.
Rascals! #txt
“Hi, I’d like a Junior McChicken and a cheeseburger please.”
“$3.23.”
“Oh, and a bottle of water.”
“$87.54. Please drive thru.”
Me: “Gee Thanks for spilling Cheerios all over the floor.”
3yo: “You’re welcome Mom, look at this!”*scatters more on floor
I deserve that.
Attachment isn’t when 2 ppl chat night and day. When someone emails u and adds an image or data file with it,
THAT FILE IS CALLED ATTACHMENT
Pope joins twitter. Quits being Pope. Takes twittercide to a whole new level. Your move, drama queens.
When people write, “your dumb,” maybe it’s not a typo–they just mean stupidity belongs to you. “Here’s your dumb now leave.”