Karen, if you can see this, the tupperware didn’t come with the lasagna. The tupperware wasn’t a gift
So apparently I’ve been Googling ‘Asian Prom’ this whole time.
I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren’t going to bang.
Government Shutdown: Day Two
Mars rover Curiosity sits with nothing to do.
Watches all 5 seasons of “The Wire”.
Totally gets the hype now.
Clitorusaurus: A dinosaur never discovered by man
Life is always one step forward, two steps back…Then slide to the left…Slide to the right. CRISS CROSS!!!
Operator: 911 what’s your emergency?
Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I’M NOT EVEN IN THEM!
DM:You’re so hot, wanna Skype?
Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka?
DM:
ME:hello…you there
“We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies.” – Top Secret NSA Memo
Is Miley Cyrus pregnant? Will The government stay shut down? Will the GTA online servers work? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z
Do bouncers get paid in toothpicks or are they a part of their uniform, or what exactly is the deal here?
Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers.
Yelling out “Stranger Danger!” is a good way to say no when a cashier asks for your zip code.
“Latte” is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
If you’re telling a story to a group and are interrupted and then no one asks you to continue, ruin their party by drowning in the pool.
When a band has Z’s where S’s should be in their name, I’m like, “Woah, watch out! These bad boys aren’t playing by society’s rules.”