I’m not homophobic, I love my house!
If you love someone, set them on fire. If they come back, it’s a phoenix
When she says she prefers the strong, silent type she means her vibrator.
Before Batgirl can become Batwoman she has to have a Batmitzvah.
I’m married, but not “pass up the opportunity to sleep with Thor” married. Or Wolverine. Or Captain America. Or Jennifer Aniston…
I feel sorry for all the responsible bulls out there minding their own business and just looking to buy some nice china.
Nothing can destroy your good opinion of a company quicker than working for them.
Do you think it’s possible to train a hedgehog to walk up an down the table with cubes of cheese on it’s spikes? I’m giving a dinner party.
I’d say go to hell, but I don’t want to see you again.
You said that if I went to visit at the hospital I should be sure to take flowers. So, when the nurse wasn’t looking, I did.
I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what’s on the list while at the store. Fun game
I’m not your GameBoy, quit pushing my buttons
*Librarian walks in* You know what’s great kids? You don’t need wifi to read a book!
*Kids boo*
*Someone in the crowd yells “NERD”*
In case you haven’t checked Facebook,
It’s hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!
Women shouldn’t work outside the home. It’s STEVE Jobs, not EVE Jobs.