[Santa installing fog lamps on the front of his sleigh]
Rudolph: what’s that Santa?
Santa: oh it’s nothing venison
Rudolph: what?
Santa: I meant son….nothing son
Oh I have Christmas spirit. The question is do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat
My dad overheard a conversation at Thanksgiving about the show The Last of Us and wanted to binge it before Christmas, but he accidentally watched This Is Us instead and his texts to the group chat about “where are the zombies” are insane
Once again, I have waited till the very last minute to do Christmas shopping. Today I shall battle my fellow procrastinators at the mall. “Here are some socks and underwear kids. I had to shank a woman For these”
When I visit my family’s houses and use their wifi I usually get suggested ads with what they’re buying me for Xmas
You think the nativity guys ever hung out again. having beers like haha remember when we saw that baby
burger king implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system
I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay because every time I cook it screams at me
My main concern about having kids with my boyfriend is he’ll see me & our two-year-old together and be like “wait they kinda act the same”
With just a few days until Christmas Amazon trucks should be treated like emergency vehicles. If you see them coming with their sirens on you best pull over and let them pass. People are getting worried about their packages, ya’ll.
What do the films Titanic & the 6th sense have in common?
Icy dead people…
I’ve been on twitter for almost 12 years, I remember when it all used to be farmland
We never got the wreath, but we put up the hanger. This shows intent.
[walking through the sistine chapel] damn, content creators were insane back in the day
Honestly I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.