heres my To Do List – become the new kfc colonel, mess with texas, invent a new animal just to piss off scientists
“HULK WANT LOAN.”
Bank: “We can’t loan to people like you.”
“GREEN SKIN PEOPLE??”
Bank: “No, people who owe 2.6M in property damage.”
*puts spider in the ocean*
“Now go free and flourish into an octopus.”
*cuts girl in half & puts in ocean*
“Mermaid probably.”
always carrying a megaphone in case you have to sigh at someone far away
*NEW*
For BOXERS in the ring.
For lawyers writing BRIEFS.
For guitarists plucking G-STRINGS.PUNderwear ®
Comfort is No Laughing Matter™
Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have a fight to the death. Who will win?
Everybody.
“To hell with it, thats good enough.” – every person after theyve ever tried to iron a shirt. Ever.
If it defies all logic, and makes very little sense then it was probably my idea…
This is joyous. Go to any YouTube video. Pause it. Click anywhere outside the video and then type 1980. Now defend yourself.
There are two good reasons never to drink water from the toilet. No 1 and No 2s!
the sequel to “Up” should be called “Up 2: No Good” who do I tell this to
Only 90’s kids will remember this! *plays outside*
The Bible says homosexuality is wrong. I forget the chapter. It’s somewhere between the talking snake and the virgin birth.
‘I like the smell of your meat’ may not have been the best greeting to the hot waiter at the BBQ joint I picked for lunch.
I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.