I wonder if the username “That Cab” is free, cause a lot of people would want to follow “That Cab”
Judging by this one leg hair I found, I have missed this spot with the razor everyday since 1985. So sexy.
It has come to my attention that some of you are eating the bottom half of cupcakes. That is the peel, people. Know your fruit.
Don’t give a women flower, she may have hay fever.
Don’t give her chocolate, she may be on a diet!
Give her wifi so there’s no excuse.
My favorite oxymorons:
1. Jumbo shrimp.
2. Act natural.
3. Boneless ribs.
4. Civil war.
5. Freezer burn.
6. Adult male.
7. Happy marriage.
Cashier: “Sir, the toilet paper you’re buying goes on sale tomorrow.”
“COOL, I’LL CHECK WITH MY FAMILY TO SEE IF THEY CAN HOLD IT IN.”
She has a weimerhi…wimerrihym….wimmerhie…
She has a big gray dog.
Toronto Police have found a head, hands, and a foot in a river. There are no theories yet but the hokey pokey has not been ruled out.
[•[•[•[•[•[•[•_•]•]•]•]•]•]•] Lego guy gang comin right at u
In India, when they say there’s an elephant in the room, there’s an elephant in the room.
I always say “Beep beep! Tough guy alert!” when I see a guy in a Tap Out shirt so he knows I know he’s a tough guy.
God: You finish all 11 commandments?
Moses: About the 11th one…
God: What?
Moses: Check yourself before you wreck yourself?
God: Fine, 10.
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life’s face to find she has deflated in the night.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
Some people are like water balloons; they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.