The man who makes the giant eclairs in our local patisserie is retiring next month. There’ll be some big chouxs to fill when he goes
Everyone got SO MAD when I started singing Gravity during the movie! Like I’m sorry but I PAID to be here. It’s not my fault Wicked was sold out and I had to see Gladiator II.
Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.
Dude told me his sister got in trouble for drugs. I called her Bethanphetamine, he blocked me. Too bad. There was potential
I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.
I’m so lazy I let my battles pick me
Why ‘airport KFC’ and not ‘Kentucky Fried Check-In’?
Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard
My friend asked if I had any spare cash to pay for his straw.
Unfortunately l hadn’t got the bale money
deleting my mental health to focus on social media
The whole “Hugs, Not Drugs” campaign was so stupid because, back when I did drugs, I can assure you, there was so much hugging going on…
every day my youngest daughter asks if i am here for the “silly billy look-a-like contest.” how much of this is a good man meant to take before he is radicalized
Lord, the restaurants you put on this earth to provide noontime sustenance are advertising $17 lunch specials
I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum