I hate it when I’m digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.
Sometimes I sit on my hand till it’s numb so it feels like someone else is googling my name
Man of Steel question. When young Clark Kent was wearing a cape in the yard, who was he pretending to be? Liberace?
Yes I have exams.
No, I’m not easily distracted.
Yes, my shadow is interesting.
Just hit a racist with my car. Probably a racist. I feel like he was. Statistically, very likely. Oh so you think there’s no racism problem?
*1st time at gym*
*picks up weight*
how do i equip this
*steps on treadmill*
can i get exp on here
*taps huge guy*
do you sell mana potions
The 70s had it right.
Back then, ugly people were allowed to make music.
Don’t buy a belt at the zoo, it’s just a snake trying to escape.
People who make up phrases and try to pass them off as popular sayings are just throwing meat to the monkeys in the middle of a maelstrom.
I can’t make it tonight. There’s a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
I’ve been taking my Flintstones’ vitamins daily, but I still can’t start a car with my feet.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
Boys are cute how they’re all “I like girls that don’t wear heavy makeup” and “get down from that tree near my window or I’ll call the cops”
You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting someone crazy here!
Of course, if you’re swinging a dead cat you probably shouldn’t be so judgy.
The club can’t even handle me right now. Like, the club’s just had a very emotionally draining day and the club’s been in a weird place.