As a rule, if the number of genders allowed to drive in your country is less than two, you live in an awful country.
I’m developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers’ stories.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
I decided to watch The Conjuring alone in a dark apartment and now I’m not allowed to make my own decisions anymore.
Warning: the life you are about to lead contains strong language, adult situations and nudity. Exister discretion is advised.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
My son just got his brown belt in Tae Kwon Do. If you threaten him, he bows respectfully before he runs.
The “Beware of Cat” sign posted outside my house doesn’t seem to be having the desired affect.
When I see guys with skinny jeans and skin tight T’s on I pretend they are actual giants who woke up tiny and just had nothing else to wear.
As if ” cray cray” wasn’t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to ” cray”….that’s just stu stu
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m quite busy.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn’t even come close to my 5 year old’s reaction when I told him that there’s no school today.
the women in tampon commercials should switch places with the women in antidepressant commercials
That tattoo of wings on your back are good. But wings that small could hardly get you off the ground though. *reveals full body wing tattoo*