I want what any normal girl wants in life… A great job, a loving husband and to be the wallpaper on thousands of iPhones.
If anyone is interested I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
If you commit a crime be sure to wear running clothes, so if you need to flee the scene cops will just think “Look at that healthy jogger”
Hate eating nachos with someone at the theater and our fingers touch. Especially if I don’t know them, and they don’t know we’re sharing.
The baby daddies on 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom should be used to test air bags.
Parents, talk with your children about the importance of saving frequently so they won’t have to restart at the beginning of the level.
Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re all horrible sinners and you’re going to hell.
ATTENTION ALABAMA RESIDENTS: tonight’s penumbral lunar eclipse is perfectly natural. The moon is undamaged. Gay people are not stealing it.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
Frolicking:
The act of licking afros.
Just saw a cyclist put his hand out to indicate he was turning left when a lone pedestrian high fived him. I feel so good right now.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
For anyone interested, you’ll find my complete Windows 8.1 review below:
Still sucks.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn’t even apply for the job.