It just occurred to me that you could substitute Miranda rights for wedding vows. Verbatim
Fun way to make someone question everything: comment “you are so brave” on all their selfies.
Making fun of someone’s age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you’re standing a little further down the tracks.
Batman Begins Crossdressing #AddAWordRuinAMovie
Show me on this doll where the bad man gave you a skewed perspective of a female body
Alcohol is photoshop for real life.
Dressing up as the grim reaper while at work in the ER is not amusing says HR. So uptight.
I got new neighbors today, I hope they like my music as much as the last 9 families did.
If Reincarnation ends up being real…
Those People who got “YOLO” tattoos are going to look… Pretty Silly
OK, Gravity wasn’t very realistic. First of all, and I checked this, Sandra Bullock — not an astronaut
Career day:
Hi kids I’m Bills Dad and I work at the local morgue. Who wants to pet a dead body?”
Me: YOU CAN DO IT SON!
Son: Why are you being so encouraging? Are you drunk?
Me: Yep. So pass your driving test or we’re walking home.
You don’t know awkward and uneasy until you’ve seen the way I hold a cat.
Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Hearing now that the government closed the Grand Canyon. Not sure if they roll a tarp over it or how that works.
Batman Begins Twerking #AddaWordRuinaMovie