Having kids means you’ll have a lot of interrupted conversa–
Huge thanks to @funTweeters for publishing my tweet! This made my week 🙂
That awkward moment when someone asks if you’ve dyed your hair and you say no, its just clean.
bought a box of 100 crickets from the pet store and released them back into the ocean were they belong
“Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus” is on, followed by “Mega Shark vs Crocasaurus”. Nice job, SyFy. Way to GIVE AWAY THAT GIANT OCTOPUS LOSES.
My 10 yr old thinks I expect too much out of her.
I told her we could discuss it when she gets home from work.
I don’t care how hardcore you are. If you don’t cry when Dumbo visits his mommy in elephant jail, you have no soul.
I’m just a girl sitting here wondering which outfit I own goes best with bad decisions…
I bet the reason Kim Kardashian hasn’t named her baby is because she doesn’t know she’s supposed to.
“Do you love the shape of hamburgers but hate that delicious taste?” -Veggie Burgers
Boy are people gonna be upset when they find out the God Particle is black…
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Older single ladies,
Now put your cats up!
person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person is typing person: hi
Next time you’re on a date and someone asks “Is that your boyfriend or your brother?” smile really creepy and whisper “Both”.
She was like “wrong hole”, so I said “adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn’t knitting quilts Velma”, long story short I’m still single.