the compUtah Maineframe has crashed and Idaho how to fix it. Alaska round to find out Hawaii it happened. Are Delaware of the situation?
Wife must be planning to paint the house. I found plastic & tape under our bed. Not sure what the shovel & pistol are for.
was trying to insult someone and my phone corrected it to “ducklord”. now he is the ducklord & i am powerless against his mallard onslaught
Give me a few strong men, and I’ll build a nation. Give me a few hot women, and I’ll conquer the world.
Just once, I’d like to see a judge take the verdict slip from the jury, look at it, and then turn and say,
ARE YOU SHIT’N ME?
When I’m bored on a plane, I pull a random machine part out of my pocket and ask the person next to me “Do you know where this came from?”
When you die, you walk down a tunnel of light and then that sentient paperclip from MS Word pops up and asks you what you want to do next.
Interviewer: “Are you proficient with Microsoft Office?”
Interviewee: “Word.”
What’s that thing called when your crush likes you back? oh yeah imagination
Women are from Venus, men are wrong.
If money can’t buy happiness what do you pay a hitman with?
Sure I’ll join your Cause on Facebook…Right after I jump out of an airplane without a parachute…
I’ve watched three episodes of “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” tonight, adding “outdoor enthusiast and survival expert” to my online dating profile.
Girl asked me if I wanted to watch a “romcom” so I’m going to assume she means “Roman Combat” and put on Gladiator.
Joined Match.com… And all I got was a lit cigarette