Sirs & Ma’ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn’t just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.
I said “You’re not the boss of me” to my boss and it came true.
1997: Skynet becomes self-aware
2029: T-1s are sent to kill Sarah Connor
2034: Warranty expires on T-1s. 99% of them break down within hours
whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he’s taking a pretty nasty shit in there.
I’m no therapist but I’d suggest that the fact that you’ve whined about your ex here every day for a year may be why he left you.
I just saw an article titled “Can We build a Real Jurassic Park?”
DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE?!
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn’t use real dinosaurs
If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.
My 42 yr old friend is dating a 24 yo guy, she caught him cheating so she took away his play station for a week
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass.
CNN just wondered if I’m sending disasters to punish you for your sins. No, I’m sending them to punish you for CNN.
The “Skip Ad” countdown on Youtube is more exciting than an Apollo launch.
If I were a mob boss, I’d ask my henchmen to meet me down by the docks, then surprise them with a day of water skiing
I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn’t help
Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office is in big trouble. You have my Word.