It’s pretty stupid how tube socks come in a resealable bag as if I’m not going to eat them all in one sitting.
but what does Jesus do when he wants to swim
Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the “life of the party.”
Fun Fact: 100% of people don’t know what to do with a dirty dish at someone else’s house.
Class action lawsuits are gangs for white people.
I’m re-enacting Titanic today, I’m at the part where Rose is naked on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is basically Saw, but with desserts.
Do I hate when people answer their own questions? Yes.
Sirs & Ma’ams, It is a well-known fact that when Jesus takes the wheel, He doesn’t just stop with the wheel. He takes the stereo too.
I said “You’re not the boss of me” to my boss and it came true.
1997: Skynet becomes self-aware
2029: T-1s are sent to kill Sarah Connor
2034: Warranty expires on T-1s. 99% of them break down within hours
whenever god closes a door he opens a window because he’s taking a pretty nasty shit in there.
I’m no therapist but I’d suggest that the fact that you’ve whined about your ex here every day for a year may be why he left you.
I just saw an article titled “Can We build a Real Jurassic Park?”
DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE?!
I can almost always tell if a movie doesn’t use real dinosaurs