The KANYE went down to the very KANYE street to buy a new KANYE for only $KANYE dollars. “KANYE?” he asked.
– Kanye West doing a Mad Lib
Fun Fact:
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters.
Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Whenever I get a “Final Notice” letter from a bill collector, I assume this concludes our business transaction.
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket.
Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
Jesus was the original child star who fell in with the wrong crowd and died young.
You people that are getting laid regularly either need to keep that stuff to yourselves or be more descriptive.
I feel for any dog who’s owned by a homeless guy. The poor pooch must be thinking “Where does this guy live, we’ve been walking for 3 years”
Could you please put your screaming baby on vibrate.
Rest in peace. That doesn’t sound that bad. It’s not like you die and then you have to run a marathon
i got you a candy necklace for a present but then something happened so i got you this string instead
I don’t want to sound like an alarmist but
Wooooop Wooooop
Rearrearrearrear
Booloo Booloo Booloo
Weeuuuweeuuuweeuuu
Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep
Friend: That was the exit. Did you see the sign?
Me: I saw the sign
F: …
Me: And it opened up my eyes
F: Oh no.
Me: I SAWW THE SIIIGNNN
I want my hearse to have ‘JUST DIED’ written on the windshield with cans tied to the rear bumper.
When fighting with a clown, always go for the juggler.
“We’re up all night to get Loki” -Daft Punk feat. The Avengers