This is so messed up and I love it 🤣
imagine jeffrey dahmer walking into a 5 guys and reading the menu like well that’s def not what i was expecting.
I heard there was a secret cord
You plug it in and you meet the Lord
“Bro, you want this pamphlet?”
“Brochure”
Learning minion language on Duolingo while my girl friend prepares to host thanksgiving for 48 people
Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P
I need one of those breweries with like a hundred things on tap but for different kinds of soup. A stewery if you will
thoughts and prayers for my teen who just said she’s sick of asking me to do something
I would wear Nike but I’m not a “Just do it” kinda guy. I’m more of a “Meh, I don’t wanna” kinda guy… so I wear Sketchers
Jake Paul just announced that he’s fighting my dead grandmother next.
The best part about sleeping alone is not having to share my blanket or rotisserie chicken