So we agree when the zombies come we feed em the teenagers first, right?
Guys I have to work a total of like 18 hours today. Someone hold me. Under water.
6yo’s can’t go to jail so I have no idea why this one’s refusing to drive me home from the pub.
I hate when I’m trying to do shit and I’m married.
WELL OFFICER IF YOU DIDN’T WANT TO SEE ME MASTURBATING YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE PULLED ME OVER
I wonder how many other Sandy’s have come into men’s lives and taken their cars and houses, too.
To my American friends: On Sunday, don’t forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years.
My apathy is at an all time whatever.
Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.
*Scrolls TL*
Politics. Subtweet. Peen avi. Poor girl is constipated. Drama. WHORE. Stoned. Sexually frustrated. BOOBS!
*sips juicebox*
Yes, Firefox. I will abort the script but only to save the life of the web page.
I really hope it’s a typo on your resume where it says you’re “goat oriented”.
My 4 year old thought it was pretty cool that Simba could do whatever he wanted after Mufasa died. This is concerning.
I’m rubber. You’re glue.
I don’t conduct low voltage electricity. You’re great for arts & crafts.
You’re probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.