Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.
*Scrolls TL*
Politics. Subtweet. Peen avi. Poor girl is constipated. Drama. WHORE. Stoned. Sexually frustrated. BOOBS!
*sips juicebox*
Yes, Firefox. I will abort the script but only to save the life of the web page.
I really hope it’s a typo on your resume where it says you’re “goat oriented”.
My 4 year old thought it was pretty cool that Simba could do whatever he wanted after Mufasa died. This is concerning.
I’m rubber. You’re glue.
I don’t conduct low voltage electricity. You’re great for arts & crafts.
You’re probably wondering how I tweet so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
Hour 43 no smoking:
-No one is dead.
-Colors are more vivid.
-Country music makes sense.
-I’d suck a fart if it contained nicotine.
Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.
Irony walks into a bar the same time as a Coincidence. The bartender asks what they want? “Not to be confused with each other.”
Do I have a girlfriend!? Are you kidding me? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOILET PAPER THOSE THINGS USE!?
When life gives me lemons, I make lemon meringue pie..because lemonade is for amateurs…& because I’m gay..& we always take it up a notch.
Kid, if you don’t know whether your Batman costume is pre or post reboot continuity, you don’t deserve candy. Also, Batman doesn’t cry.
“I totally didn’t say that.” – God
I think I finally found your G-Spot. It’s been in my wallet the whole time.