Judging by the tweets, you guys all lead really interesting lies
You know why some people wear socks with sandals?Cos they’ve never been punched in the head for it.If you see an offender,do the right thing
Once in a while I post a subtweet. I hope you’re reading this Susan. I want my Gameboy back. Bitch.
Not sure, but I think I just got to 3rd base with my toothbrush.
Chamomile tea makes chamomile pee.
I won every fight in 1st grade.
Not because I was tough, because I was 13.
The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.
In RL I’m a car salesman. Which means its my job to know how many bodies fit in the trunk of a car officer. This is all work related.
All I said was, Even those starving kids in Africa wouldn’t eat your cooking and my wifes foot became Mayor of my ass on Foursquare.
I wish I had half the determination and persistence of Adobe reader updater.
I’m not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don’t give them lunch or breakfast
Forgot to tie my bikini top back before I stood up from sunbathing on the beach. Now I know how to get help carrying my chairs to the car.
The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I’m the only one not invited. Weird.
Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feel safe, so basically a clown ninja.
If diet and exercise are not working for you, try actually dieting and actually exercising.