Definition of Rap Songs: Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Never use profanity. Unless you live on the East Coast. Where it is considered punctuation and shit.
Good thing “you only live once” has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it’s no big deal
Ford vehicles names are more fun when you put “anal” in front of them..Probe, Explorer, Excursion, Endeavor, Ranger,etc
I dropped my phone, is everyone okay?!
Him: I like you a lot.
Her: Meh.Him: I’ve found someone else.
Her: I’m bat shit crazy restraining order status in love with you now
I hate people who take drugs. Like customs officers.
50 Shades of Letting People on the Train Know You’re Not Getting Laid
If McDonalds wants to check my $10 bill for signs of counterfeit, I should be able to check their chicken for chicken.
How long do you have to go without sex before you’re officially a virgin again?
Asking for me, I don’t have any friends.
I just misspelled a word so bad that auto correct blew milk out its nose.
I’m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest you in despair and disappointments?
When life handed Chuck Norris lemons, he made chocolate pudding.
I stand in the tampon aisle and when a woman reaches for a box, I snicker and say “you’re gross”.
Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It’s like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad