How do u make a Pirate angry?
Take the P out of him.
Me: Here you go.
Her: WTF?
Me: It’s the genital mold you wanted.
Her: I said gelatin mold!
Me: *waddles away with pants around ankles*
“My ex was a great wife, mom & never once complained once about ass to mouth” was apparently not an acceptable speech when she remarried?
NOT all policemen are strippers.
Na Fa Fo Na Na Fo Fo -Sassy black girl giving me her digits.
I draw tombstones in sand at the beach beside couples who draw hearts and shit.
We don’t need people like that in this world.
Why does the bad guy always have to know some form of martial art? Why cant they just throw stuff while screaming “stay away from me!”
Judging by the tweets, you guys all lead really interesting lies
You know why some people wear socks with sandals?Cos they’ve never been punched in the head for it.If you see an offender,do the right thing
Once in a while I post a subtweet. I hope you’re reading this Susan. I want my Gameboy back. Bitch.
Not sure, but I think I just got to 3rd base with my toothbrush.
Chamomile tea makes chamomile pee.
I won every fight in 1st grade.
Not because I was tough, because I was 13.
The only reason I watch political speeches is cause I’m hoping there’s gonna be a sniper.
In RL I’m a car salesman. Which means its my job to know how many bodies fit in the trunk of a car officer. This is all work related.