I’m going for a run. I have some severely unused sexual energy and tension I need to pound out.
I should be back in about eight days.
The most I’ve ever paid for sex was ‘marriage.’
The most I’ve ever paid for sex was ‘marriage.’
I accidentally confused Star Trek with Star Wars and some kid threatened to cut me with his Virgin card.
I accidentally confused Star Trek with Star Wars and some kid threatened to cut me with his Virgin card.
“Here, throw this away for me.” ~ People who hand out leaflets.
“Here, throw this away for me.” ~ People who hand out leaflets.
Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out
Blackberry users thought of making a joke abt the Apple-Samsung battle, but before they cud tweet thr phone hanged n battery drained out
My father once told me, “Son, if you want people to listen to what you have to say, claim it’s something your father told you.”
Elderly woman at bus stop just said my son was “beautiful.” UM STEP OFF PERVERT UR LIKE 40x HIS AGE cc: @LAPD
Babe, you’re just perfect for me
Except that you’re married, have kids, live 8000 miles away and are probably an obese man
This bank app is great for checking account activity!
Also comes in handy when you just need a reason to cry.
Does France have Mcdonald’s? Because it wouldn’t be fair if we were the only ones dying.
Man, I was just reminded that the world is supposed to end this year and I haven’t even started packing yet.